英文原文
How Mindfulness Can Soothe Tension at Family Gatherings – Lifestyle Medicine
How Mindfulness Can Soothe Tension at Family Gatherings
Gratitude & Purpose, Mental Health, Pillar
By Angel Cleare, BS
As we prepare our holiday meals, we may reflect on how this family gathering unfolded last year. It may have started well, with many smiles and joyful conversations of family members sharing what was happening in their lives. But, when everyone sat down at the dinner table, one family member couldn’t stop complaining about the food, and another couldn’t resist voicing their antagonizing opinions. Knowing this may happen again, we may ask ourselves, “What can we do differently this year?”
“As we all know, we can’t control what others say or do, but we have some control over how we react, and this is where mindfulness can help,” says Sharon Brock, MS, member of the Stanford Lifestyle Medicine Gratitude & Purpose pillar and UCLA Certified Mindfulness Facilitator. “By centering yourself with meditation before guests arrive, you can set the tone for harmony. And if conflict still arises, you can practice mindfulness in the moment to help you handle the situation with more composure.”
Brock is the bestselling author of The LOVEE Method, a five-step mindfulness tool to help manage emotions in real-time and bring us into a state of clarity and balance. LOVEE is an acronym that stands for label, observe, value, embrace, and equanimity.
“Let’s say you experience a strong emotion, like anger or anxiety. It can be processed by the mindfulness practices of labeling, observing, valuing, and embracing the emotion. When the emotion has settled, a clearing is created for equanimity to arise,” says Brock.
“Equanimity means having an even-keeled, calm, and balanced mind, which can come in handy when spending the day with challenging in-laws,” says Brock.
How to Respond vs. React
So, what can we do when a disagreeable family member starts talking politics and activates a surge of anger within us? Most people either retaliate with a scathing comment or hold back and swallow their rage. Since neither option is a healthy way to process emotions, Brock offers a third option to transform this difficult emotion with the steps of LOVEE.
“If anger gets activated while seated at the dinner table, rather than be overly expressive or repressive, we can take a deep breath and mentally do the label and observe practices,” says Brock.
When doing the label practice, Brock recommends phrasing the label “anger is rising” rather than “I am angry” so that we create some space between ourselves and the emotion. For the observe practice, Brock advises doing a quick body scan to locate and observe the emotion as a sensation in the body. She shares that observing our emotions allows us to recognize that they are temporary experiences, not permanent states. Knowing that the emotion will eventually pass can help us stay calm in the moment.
“Emotions are energies in motion; they are not personal,” says Brock. “When we don’t identify with our emotions and we simply observe them as fluid sensations in the body, we are acknowledging the emotions for what they actually are—energies in the body that rise and fall, come and go.”
Brock offers these scripts to say to ourselves in the heat of the moment to soothe our emotions:
* “Anger is rising. I feel the sensation of my heart beating fast. I take a deep breath, observe the sensation, and not react. I may respond after the emotion has passed.”, * “Anxiety is rising. I feel the sensation of clenching in my stomach. I take a deep breath, observe the sensation, and not react. I may respond after the emotion has passed.”, * “Sadness is here. I feel the sensation of heaviness in my chest. I take a deep breath, observe the sensation, and not react. I may respond after the emotion has passed.”,
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
Brock says that the label and observe practices are effective mindfulness techniques for calming ourselves during a time of conflict. However, if the anger remains after the challenging moment has passed, she recommends going through the rest of the steps of the LOVEE Method as a formal meditation.
After label and observe, the value and embrace practices bring self-compassion into the meditation, which research shows offers psychological healing. During the value practice, we accept our emotions as natural aspects of the human condition, acknowledging that others would feel the same in the given situation. We also value our emotions because they have something to tell us, such as revealing a desire for harmony within the family.
Self-compassion deepens with the embrace practice. Here, we give our emotion a “hug” and say to ourselves, “I see you. I hear you. What do you need?” When working with anger, the need is often for respect. In this case, Brock recommends putting both hands on the heart and saying to ourselves, “I respect you.”
“Acknowledging that we are not alone and offering ourselves what we need helps soothe our emotions. With these practices, we are offering ourselves compassion and we are learning to take care of ourselves emotionally,” says Brock. “Over time, self-compassion practices help us to meet our own emotional needs, which fosters independence, resilience, and self-confidence.”
Cultivating Equanimity
After we have processed the emotion with the practices of label, observe, value, and embrace, the final step is equanimity. Here, we return our attention to the original person or circumstance that activated the intense emotion.
During this step, Brock invites us to repeat the equanimity phrase: “Things are as they are, may I accept things just as they are.” Or, in the case of the difficult family member: “They are who they are, may I accept them just as they are.”
Brock clarifies that accepting is not the same as condoning someone’s behavior or implying that the circumstance is morally right; rather the purpose of repeating these phrases is to bring our nervous system into balance and cultivate equanimity in our psyche.
“Equanimity is not about stepping back and not taking action; rather it allows us to take wise action from a place of calm and reasoning,” says Brock. “With an equanimous state of mind, we release resistance and resentment, and we are better able to navigate challenging circumstances with strength and grace.”
中文翻译
正念如何缓解家庭聚会的紧张情绪 – 生活方式医学
正念如何缓解家庭聚会的紧张情绪
感恩与目的，心理健康，支柱
作者：Angel Cleare，BS
当我们准备节日大餐时，我们可能会回想去年家庭聚会的情景。它可能一开始很好，有很多微笑和愉快的对话，家庭成员分享他们生活中的事情。但是，当大家坐在餐桌旁时，一位家庭成员不停地抱怨食物，另一位则忍不住表达他们的对立观点。知道这可能再次发生，我们可能会问自己：“今年我们能做些什么不同的事情？”
“正如我们所知，我们无法控制别人说什么或做什么，但我们可以控制自己的反应方式，这正是正念可以帮助的地方，”斯坦福生活方式医学感恩与目的支柱成员、加州大学洛杉矶分校认证正念促进者Sharon Brock，MS说。“通过在客人到来前通过冥想集中自己，你可以为和谐定下基调。如果冲突仍然发生，你可以即时练习正念，帮助你更沉着地处理情况。”
Brock是畅销书《LOVEE方法》的作者，这是一种五步正念工具，帮助实时管理情绪，带我们进入清晰和平衡的状态。LOVEE是标签、观察、价值、拥抱和平静的缩写。
“假设你经历强烈的情绪，如愤怒或焦虑。它可以通过正念练习来处理，包括标签、观察、价值和拥抱情绪。当情绪平息后，为平静的出现创造了空间，”Brock说。
“平静意味着拥有平稳、冷静和平衡的心态，这在与难相处的姻亲共度一天时可能派上用场，”Brock说。
如何回应 vs. 反应
那么，当一位不愉快的家庭成员开始谈论政治并激活我们内心的愤怒时，我们能做什么？大多数人要么用尖刻的评论报复，要么忍住并吞下愤怒。既然这两种选择都不是处理情绪的健康方式，Brock提供了第三种选择，用LOVEE的步骤来转化这种困难情绪。
“如果愤怒在餐桌旁被激活，而不是过度表达或压抑，我们可以深呼吸并在心理上进行标签和观察练习，”Brock说。
在进行标签练习时，Brock建议使用“愤怒正在升起”而不是“我很愤怒”的标签，这样我们在自己和情绪之间创造一些空间。对于观察练习，Brock建议快速进行身体扫描，定位并观察情绪作为身体中的感觉。她分享说，观察我们的情绪让我们认识到它们是暂时的体验，不是永久的状态。知道情绪最终会过去可以帮助我们在当下保持冷静。
“情绪是运动中的能量；它们不是个人的，”Brock说。“当我们不与情绪认同，只是将它们视为身体中流动的感觉时，我们正在承认情绪的真实本质——身体中升起和落下、来去自如的能量。”
Brock提供了这些脚本，在情绪激动时对自己说，以安抚情绪：
* “愤怒正在升起。我感觉心跳加快的感觉。我深呼吸，观察感觉，不反应。我可能在情绪过去后回应。”， * “焦虑正在升起。我感觉胃部紧绷的感觉。我深呼吸，观察感觉，不反应。我可能在情绪过去后回应。”， * “悲伤在这里。我感觉胸部沉重的感觉。我深呼吸，观察感觉，不反应。我可能在情绪过去后回应。”，
正念与自我同情
Brock说，标签和观察练习是在冲突时期平静自己的有效正念技巧。然而，如果愤怒在挑战时刻过去后仍然存在，她建议将LOVEE方法的其余步骤作为正式冥想进行。
在标签和观察之后，价值和拥抱练习将自我同情带入冥想，研究表明这提供心理疗愈。在价值练习中，我们接受情绪作为人类状况的自然方面，承认他人在给定情况下会有同样的感受。我们也重视情绪，因为它们有话要告诉我们，例如揭示家庭和谐的渴望。
自我同情通过拥抱练习加深。在这里，我们给情绪一个“拥抱”并对自己说：“我看到你。我听到你。你需要什么？”当处理愤怒时，需求通常是尊重。在这种情况下，Brock建议将双手放在心脏上并对自己说：“我尊重你。”
“承认我们并不孤单，并给予自己所需的东西有助于安抚情绪。通过这些练习，我们正在给予自己同情，并学会在情感上照顾自己，”Brock说。“随着时间的推移，自我同情练习帮助我们满足自己的情感需求，这培养独立性、韧性和自信。”
培养平静
在我们通过标签、观察、价值和拥抱练习处理情绪后，最后一步是平静。在这里，我们将注意力转回激活强烈情绪的原始人或情况。
在这一步，Brock邀请我们重复平静短语：“事情就是它们的样子，愿我接受事情本来的样子。”或者，对于难相处的家庭成员：“他们就是他们，愿我接受他们本来的样子。”
Brock澄清说，接受不等于宽恕某人的行为或暗示情况在道德上是正确的；相反，重复这些短语的目的是让我们的神经系统平衡并在心灵中培养平静。
“平静不是退后不采取行动；而是让我们从冷静和理性的地方采取明智行动，”Brock说。“以平静的心态，我们释放抵抗和怨恨，并更好地以力量和优雅应对挑战性情况。”
文章概要
本文探讨了正念在缓解家庭聚会紧张情绪中的应用，特别针对中年社交互动。文章介绍了Sharon Brock的LOVEE方法，包括标签、观察、价值、拥抱和平静五个步骤，帮助实时管理情绪如愤怒和焦虑。通过正念练习，个体可以在冲突中保持冷静，培养自我同情和平静心态，从而更有效地应对家庭互动中的挑战。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：这篇文章就像教我们一个超级有用的“情绪魔法”，当家里聚会时，如果有人让你生气或紧张，你可以用“LOVEE方法”来帮忙。第一步是“标签”，就像给情绪贴个标签说“愤怒来了”，而不是说“我很生气”，这样你就和情绪分开一点。第二步是“观察”，就像用身体扫描仪看看情绪在哪里，比如心跳加快或胃部紧绷。第三步是“价值”，告诉自己情绪是正常的，别人也会这样。第四步是“拥抱”，给情绪一个拥抱，问问它需要什么，比如尊重。最后一步是“平静”，接受事情本来的样子，这样你就能冷静处理问题。这个方法就像游戏里的技能，让你在家庭聚会中变得更强大和开心。
佛学的各个宗派视角评价，突出《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角：从佛学视角看，正念练习与佛教的禅修和心性修养高度契合。在显宗中，如禅宗强调“观心”和“无住”，LOVEE方法的观察和标签练习类似禅修的觉知训练，帮助破除对情绪的执着。大乘佛教注重慈悲和智慧，价值与拥抱练习体现了自我同情，这与菩萨道的利他精神相通，培养平等心。从《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角，准提法作为显密圆融的法门，强调“即事而真”，在日常互动中修心。正念在家庭聚会中的应用，正是将修行融入生活，通过观照情绪本质，达到心性清净，这与准提法的“观想准提菩萨”以净化心念异曲同工。准提法的优点在于简便易行，适合现代人，正念练习同样具有普适性，帮助人们在社交中保持正念，积累福德资粮。
在修行实践上可以应用的和可以解决人们的十个问题：在修行实践上，正念技巧可以广泛应用于日常生活，解决以下十个问题：1. 缓解家庭冲突时的愤怒爆发，通过标签和观察练习即时冷静。2. 减少社交焦虑，在互动中保持平衡心态。3. 提升情绪管理能力，避免压抑或过度反应。4. 培养自我同情，减轻自责和孤独感。5. 增强心理韧性，应对中年生活压力。6. 改善人际关系，通过平静心态促进和谐。7. 提高专注力，在忙碌社交中保持觉知。8. 促进身心健康，减少压力相关疾病。9. 支持灵性成长，将日常挑战转化为修行机会。10. 实现内在平和，通过培养平静达到佛学中的“心无所住”。这些应用体现了大乘佛教的入世精神，准提法以其圆融特性，鼓励在俗世中修心，正念练习作为辅助工具，帮助人们在实际问题中实践佛法，迈向解脱。