英文原文
I am interested in learning about Buddhism, and there are a lot of questions. I wonder (since it seems to me Buddhists are quite independent, and they don't attach that much to people or things) what about like if they did have families or friends or wives or husbands: do they live without affection etc.? Marriage does not guarantee happiness (some married people are unhappy). This answer includes advice about how to choose a marriage partner. And chapter 6 of A Happy Married Life (which is titled "Security, Respect and Responsibilities") identifies what attitudes and behaviour are recommended by Buddhist doctrine/scripture, between husband and wife. There may also be affection between e.g. a mother and her children. I don't think it's affection that's identified as the principal problem in Buddhism: the problems are craving (e.g. for what you don't have), and attachment. So for example if you craved more affection than you think you're getting, you will "suffer" (and, I think, cause suffering too). Also, a characteristic of sensual pleasure (and of other "compounded" or "conditioned" things) is that it's impermanent. So for example "physical touch" cannot be a permanent (even if continual it couldn't be continuous), and so people must learn (or must also learn) to live, to behave, to control or regulate themselves without it. And I think that attachment is likely to cause the survivor problems when their partner dies, etc. For these kinds of reasons, the pursuit of sensory pleasures may be unwise or unsatisfying. As for "living without affection" there are attitudes which I think are recommended by Buddhism and which are like affection (perhaps these are affection, or perhaps they're a good substitute for or alternative to affection), for example kindness, benevolence, harmlessness, even equanimity. As for the title ("Do Buddhists need...?"), I'm inclined to read that as "Do Humans need...?". I'm not sure whether to say that all humans are the same, and have the same needs. Perhaps they do, but have different capacities or abilities to deal with those needs. There's a field of Western psychology (which I'm not familiar with) called Attachment theory, which has theories such as how secure people feel depends on things like how they were treated and how they developed when they were infants: as well as how they developed (how they were developed, and how they developed themselves) as children and so on into adult life. Maybe people's needs, or how "needy" they are, varies according. Buddhist generally show kindness. Living in solitude is encouraged to practice detachment and other Buddhist teachings. A need is a personal preference. A Buddhist may choose to entertain affection at the risk of losing his "sila". Buddhists come under 4 groups: monks, nuns, laymen, laywomen. Monks and nuns are not allowed to engage in any romantic or sexual activity. They are not even allowed to touch a person of the opposite gender even as a friendly gesture. Laymen and laywomen are only expected to refrain from sexual misconduct. ex: Becoming intimate with another's wife or husband. So as long as they keep to the five precepts, they can show affection to another in any socially acceptable method. ZEN Buddhist priests and nuns may marry, and laypeople of any tradition do have intimacy at any level. From the Karaniya Metta Sutta: “Just as a mother would protect her only child with her life, even so let one cultivate a boundless love towards all beings.” Very interesting question that you asked. The short answer to it is “yes!”. Buddhists who are well grounded in Dhamma do have intimacy. They have friendship, companionship and intimacy with the good, because of their abstinence from excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures, abstinence from drunkenness, and non- indulgence in gambling. The five precepts... specially the third... Kamesu micchacara veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami - “I undertake the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.” Is a safeguard for us from such. The five precepts as we know and practice is the worldly right view and worldly right conception. The distinction made in the discourse between worldly right view and the right view that is above the world (supre-mundane) is that, in the case of the latter, this means **Complete Abstinence, expressed by the use of these three more terms - aarati virati and pativirati. Such abstinence applies to right action and right livelihood as well. One who takes the five precepts with an aim of walking the Noble Eightfold Path, towards attaining Path-Fruition aim for the aarati, virati, pativirati level of abstinence.
中文翻译
我对学习佛教很感兴趣，有很多问题。我想知道（因为在我看来佛教徒相当独立，他们不太执着于人或事物），如果他们确实有家庭、朋友、妻子或丈夫，他们会没有情感等吗？婚姻并不保证幸福（有些已婚人士并不幸福）。这个答案包括如何选择婚姻伴侣的建议。《幸福婚姻生活》第六章（标题为“安全、尊重和责任”）指出了佛教教义/经典推荐的夫妻之间的态度和行为。例如，母亲和孩子之间也可能有情感。我不认为佛教将情感视为主要问题，问题在于贪爱（例如，对你没有的东西的渴望）和执着。因此，例如，如果你渴望比你认为得到的更多情感，你会“受苦”（而且，我认为，也会造成痛苦）。此外，感官愉悦（以及其他“复合”或“有条件”的事物）的一个特点是它是无常的。因此，例如“身体接触”不能是永久的（即使是持续的，也不能是连续的），所以人们必须学会（或也必须学会）在没有它的情况下生活、行为、控制或调节自己。我认为执着可能会在伴侣去世等情况下给幸存者带来问题。由于这些原因，追求感官愉悦可能是不明智或不令人满意的。至于“没有情感的生活”，我认为佛教推荐的一些态度类似于情感（也许这些就是情感，或者它们是情感的良好替代品或替代方案），例如仁慈、善意、无害，甚至平静。至于标题（“佛教徒需要……吗？”），我倾向于将其解读为“人类需要……吗？”。我不确定是否应该说所有人类都一样，有相同的需求。也许他们有，但处理这些需求的能力或能力不同。有一个西方心理学领域（我不熟悉）叫做依恋理论，它有诸如人们的安全感取决于他们如何被对待以及他们在婴儿时期如何发展等理论，以及他们如何发展（他们如何被发展，以及他们如何自我发展）作为儿童，一直到成年生活。也许人们的需求，或者他们有多“需要”，因人而异。佛教徒通常表现出仁慈。鼓励独居以练习超脱和其他佛教教义。需求是个人偏好。佛教徒可能会选择接受情感，冒着失去“戒律”的风险。佛教徒分为四类：比丘、比丘尼、在家男众、在家女众。比丘和比丘尼不允许从事任何浪漫或性活动。他们甚至不允许触摸异性，即使是友好的姿态。在家男众和在家女众只被期望避免性行为不当。例如：与他人的妻子或丈夫发生亲密关系。因此，只要他们遵守五戒，他们就可以以任何社会可接受的方式向他人表达情感。禅宗佛教的僧侣和尼姑可以结婚，任何传统的在家众都可以在任何层面上有亲密关系。来自《慈经》：“正如母亲会用生命保护她唯一的孩子，同样地，一个人应该培养对一切众生的无边慈爱。”你问的问题非常有趣。简短的回答是“是的！”。在佛法中根基稳固的佛教徒确实有亲密关系。他们有友谊、伴侣关系和与善的亲密关系，因为他们戒除过度沉溺于感官愉悦、戒除醉酒和不沉溺于赌博。五戒……特别是第三戒……Kamesu micchacara veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami——“我受持戒律，避免性行为不当。”这是我们的保障。我们所知道和实践的五戒是世俗的正见和世俗的正思维。在论述中，世俗正见和超世俗的正见之间的区别在于，对于后者，这意味着**完全戒除，用这三个术语表达——aarati、virati和pativirati。这种戒除也适用于正业和正命。以行走八正道、达到道果为目标而受持五戒的人，旨在达到aarati、virati、pativirati水平的戒除。
文章概要
本文探讨了佛教徒是否需要情感、身体接触或亲密关系的问题。文章指出，佛教并不反对情感本身，而是关注贪爱和执着带来的痛苦。佛教徒分为出家众和在家众，出家众需完全戒除性行为和亲密接触，而在家众则需遵守五戒，避免性行为不当，但可以在社会可接受的范围内表达情感。文章强调，佛教鼓励以仁慈、善意和平静等态度替代执着的情感，并引用《慈经》说明培养无边慈爱的重要性。对于中年关系，佛教徒可以通过戒律和修行来平衡亲密需求与精神成长，避免因无常和执着而受苦。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：佛教徒不是没有感情，而是他们更看重不要太过依赖别人。比如，如果你总是想要别人抱抱你，但别人不抱，你就会不开心。佛教说，这种不开心是因为我们太想要了。所以，佛教徒会学习用善良和友好的方式对待别人，而不是只想着自己。出家的和尚和尼姑不能结婚或谈恋爱，但在家的普通人可以结婚和交朋友，只要不做坏事就行。佛教还教我们要像妈妈爱孩子一样爱所有人，这样大家都会更快乐。
佛学的各个宗派视角评价，突出《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角：从显宗视角看，本文强调了戒律（如五戒）在管理亲密关系中的作用，符合大乘佛教的慈悲与智慧并重。密宗，特别是准提法，则更注重通过观想和咒语转化情感能量为修行助力。《显密圆通成佛心要集》融合显密，认为中年关系中的亲密需求可通过准提法修持，将世俗情感升华为菩提心。例如，准提咒能净化执着，使修行者在保持家庭责任的同时，积累福慧资粮。这体现了显密圆通的优点：不排斥世间法，而是将其转化为成佛的方便。
在修行实践上可以应用的和可以解决人们的十个问题：1. 减少因情感缺失而产生的孤独感，通过修习慈心禅培养内在温暖。2. 缓解中年关系中的冲突，运用佛教的忍耐与理解改善沟通。3. 克服对衰老和亲密关系变化的恐惧，观想无常以保持平静。4. 提升婚姻质量，以五戒为基础建立信任与尊重。5. 处理子女离家后的空虚，转向修行和服务他人。6. 平衡工作与家庭压力，通过禅修提高专注力。7. 减轻对物质享受的依赖，培养精神富足感。8. 应对伴侣去世的悲伤，修习超脱以减轻痛苦。9. 增强自我价值感，通过布施和持戒积累功德。10. 促进社会和谐，以佛教的包容心处理人际关系。