英文原文
Have you ever felt a loss of identity? An inextricable but definite feeling that you were “out of touch” with yourself and reality? If you have ever experienced divorce, heartbreak, the birth of a baby, the loss of a loved one, a career change, or any major life quake, then chances are you have grappled with a loss of identity. Change is the only certainty in life and yet when it happens, especially when it involves major life transitions, we struggle. We fail to adapt to the changes that are underway and tend to attach ourselves to anything and everything that reminds us of how things used to be—including our identity. We may do this because the feelings are comfortable, familiar, and give us a sense of control. Sometimes we do it consciously, while other times it may be due to our own ignorance. It’s also possible that change does not cause our clinging but happens alongside it. Whatever the case may be, the fact is that many of us have a hard time adjusting to change. We may actually resist it altogether. As a new mother, I can attest to this. For the first months of postpartum, I was beside myself, completely overwhelmed by my new responsibilities as a mother. I struggled in the same myriad of ways many new mothers struggle in the early months, drained by the constant demand to feed, clean, clothe, and soothe a newborn. Even more than that, I had a hard time adjusting to the new “me” that emerged. I became hurried and harried, chronically stressed, and experienced anxiety for the first time. It was unnerving. I didn’t recognize myself. I wondered what happened to the cool, calm, and collected self I’d prized myself to be. I’m not exempt from life’s hardships, having experienced some harrowing events others won’t likely see or face, but I’d always been able to restore my equilibrium. Motherhood, however, was proving to be something beyond my reach. I was stuck deep in the mud, uncertain if I could ever crawl my way back to sanity. Then one day, I had an epiphany, a momentary glimpse into the nature of my being. This brief but profound insight helped me see the transient nature of my being—I was clinging to a fixed identity which was causing me much suffering. Here is what my identity crisis revealed about the true nature of my being, and what we can all learn from it: 1. Our transient nature. According to Buddhist view, we do not exist in the world as we think we do. Our idea of self is an illusion. We are not permanent, solid, or fixed beings but rather like flames existing from one moment to the next. In Rahula Walpoha’s book, What the Buddha Taught, the author explains that “what we call I or being is only a combination of physical and mental aggregates which are working interdependently in a flux of momentary change within the law of cause and effect.” He goes on to explain that “there is nothing permanent, everlasting, unchanging, or external in the whole of existence.” Essentially, everything in our phenomenal world is relative and conditioned to change. There is no absolute substance like “self” or “soul” that exists within or without. And herein lied my trouble. 2. Suffering arises out of attachment to an illusory self. I had failed to see the illusory nature of my being and clung to a fixed identity. Not just any identity, but an identity that was far out of my reach. In my eyes, I was steady—not immune to life’s ups and downs, but resilient and able to quickly get back on my feet. While this had been true up until my crisis, I found myself failing to accept the inherent emptiness of my nature and my dependence on so many factors, like my commitment to yoga, meditation, journaling, and self-care that had made that possible. There were also some unhealthy practices I had adopted to help me cope, like denial, avoidance, and a dependence on alcohol, all of which I was in the process of releasing. 3. Interdependence. Everything is a momentum that builds upon itself. One thought leads into the next, which sometimes results in an action or fixes upon a deeply held belief. How we present in the world is an accumulation of our thoughts, habits, practices, and the beliefs that preceded. For me, pouring all my time and energy into my baby left no room for meditation, yoga, journaling, and all my usual self-care routines that made up my equipoise. Add to that sleep deprivation, crazy hormones, and an endless stream of anxious thoughts, and you have one suffering mama. When we undergo a major life transition, the version of ourselves that has been playing out in the world is interrupted. We experience an exhaustion of “self” as we once knew it. It is these life moments that wake us to “our selves” and show us the ever-changing, impermanent nature of self. For example, we often hear of mothers having an existential crisis. When they return to their version of “normal,” we hear them saying things like, “I’m feeling like myself again.” This often coincides with mothers returning to the workforce and re-engaging with their friends, hobbies, and activities that made them who they were. 4. The importance of mindful awareness. If we want to mitigate our chances of enduring an identity crisis or simply aim to be more at ease with change, it is vital to check in with ourselves. We can ask ourselves how we are showing up in the world, in the present moment. For example, when we wake in the morning, we can assess our sleep and ask, “How do I feel today? Did I get enough rest, or am I a little grouchy?” Depending on the answer, this mindfulness will allow us to tend to our current state with care. It is also important to do this on a broader scale, taking a step back and assessing the changes in our lives, both big and small. Transitions are inevitable, but the pain and suffering that arises from them are optional if we can be mindful of the conditional nature of our being. My identity crisis, as tough as it was, afforded me the opportunity to experience first-hand the Buddhist teachings of impermanence and the transient nature of our being. I am now mindful not to cling to any fixed identity, realizing that there are many factors that I’m dependent upon that make me the version of myself I like to be. And, thankfully, I am back at a place in my life where I can reintegrate the activities and practices that contribute to my well-being.
中文翻译
你是否曾感到身份认同的丧失？一种难以摆脱却又明确的感受，觉得自己与自我和现实“脱节”？如果你经历过离婚、心碎、孩子出生、失去亲人、职业转变或任何重大人生震荡，那么你很可能曾与身份认同的丧失作斗争。变化是生命中唯一确定的事，但当它发生时，尤其是涉及重大人生转变时，我们却挣扎不已。我们未能适应正在发生的变化，倾向于依附于任何能提醒我们过去如何的事物——包括我们的身份认同。我们这样做可能是因为这些感受舒适、熟悉，并给我们一种控制感。有时我们是有意识地这样做，而有时则可能是由于我们自身的无知。也可能变化并非导致我们执着的原因，而是与执着同时发生。无论如何，事实是许多人难以适应变化。我们甚至可能完全抗拒它。作为一名新妈妈，我可以证明这一点。在产后的头几个月，我不知所措，完全被作为母亲的新责任压垮了。我以许多新妈妈在最初几个月挣扎的无数方式挣扎着，被不断喂养、清洁、穿衣和安抚新生儿的需求耗尽精力。更重要的是，我难以适应出现的新的“我”。我变得匆忙而疲惫，长期处于压力之下，并首次体验到焦虑。这令人不安。我认不出自己了。我想知道那个我曾珍视的冷静、镇定和从容的自我发生了什么。我并非免于生活的艰辛，经历过一些他人可能不会看到或面对的可怕事件，但我总能恢复平衡。然而，母亲身份被证明是超出我能力范围的事情。我深陷泥潭，不确定是否能爬回理智。然后有一天，我有了顿悟，短暂地瞥见了我的存在本质。这一短暂而深刻的洞见帮助我看到了我的存在的无常性——我执着于一个固定的身份认同，这给我带来了许多痛苦。以下是我的身份认同危机揭示的关于我的存在真实本质的内容，以及我们都能从中学习到的东西：1. 我们的无常性。根据佛教观点，我们并非如我们所想的那样存在于世界中。我们的自我观念是一种幻觉。我们不是永久、坚固或固定的存在，而是像火焰一样从一刻存在到下一刻。在拉胡拉·瓦尔波哈的《佛陀的教导》一书中，作者解释说：“我们所谓的我或存在只是身心聚合体的组合，它们在因果律中相互依存，处于瞬息万变的状态。”他进一步解释说：“在整个存在中，没有任何东西是永久、永恒、不变或外在的。”本质上，我们现象世界中的一切都是相对的，并受条件制约而变化。没有像“自我”或“灵魂”这样的绝对实体存在于内或外。而我的问题就在这里。2. 痛苦源于对虚幻自我的执着。我未能看到我的存在的虚幻本质，并执着于一个固定的身份认同。不仅仅是任何身份认同，而是一个遥不可及的身份认同。在我眼中，我是稳定的——并非对生活的起伏免疫，但坚韧并能迅速恢复。虽然这在我的危机之前是真实的，但我发现自己未能接受我的本质的空性以及我对许多因素的依赖，比如我对瑜伽、冥想、日记和自我照顾的承诺，这些使那成为可能。我还采用了一些不健康的做法来帮助我应对，如否认、回避和对酒精的依赖，所有这些我正在逐步放弃。3. 相互依存。一切都是在自身基础上建立起来的动量。一个念头导致下一个，有时会引发行动或固化为根深蒂固的信念。我们在世界中的呈现是我们先前思想、习惯、实践和信念的积累。对我来说，将所有时间和精力投入我的宝宝，没有空间进行冥想、瑜伽、日记和所有构成我平衡的常规自我照顾程序。再加上睡眠不足、疯狂的荷尔蒙和无尽的焦虑思绪，你就有了一个痛苦的妈妈。当我们经历重大人生转变时，我们在世界中展现的自我版本被打断。我们体验到“自我”的耗尽，正如我们曾经所知的那样。正是这些人生时刻唤醒我们“我们的自我”，并向我们展示自我的不断变化和无常性。例如，我们经常听到母亲们经历存在危机。当她们回到她们的“正常”版本时，我们听到她们说：“我又感觉像自己了。”这通常与母亲们重返职场并重新参与朋友、爱好和活动相一致，这些使她们成为她们自己。4. 正念觉知的重要性。如果我们想减少经历身份认同危机的机会，或仅仅旨在更轻松地应对变化，检查自己是至关重要的。我们可以问自己，我们在世界中、在当下如何呈现。例如，当我们早上醒来时，我们可以评估睡眠并问：“我今天感觉如何？我休息够了吗，还是有点暴躁？”根据答案，这种正念将允许我们以关怀对待当前状态。在更广泛的范围内这样做也很重要，退一步评估我们生活中的变化，无论大小。转变是不可避免的，但如果我们能觉知到我们的存在的条件性，由此产生的痛苦和苦难是可选的。我的身份认同危机，尽管艰难，却给了我机会亲身体验佛教的无常教义和我们存在的无常性。我现在正念不执着于任何固定的身份认同，意识到有许多因素我依赖它们使我成为我喜欢的自我版本。而且，谢天谢地，我回到了生活中可以重新整合那些有助于我福祉的活动和实践的地方。
文章概要
本文是一位新妈妈分享她通过佛教教义度过身份认同危机的经历。文章围绕四个核心佛教教义展开：无常性、痛苦源于对虚幻自我的执着、相互依存和正念觉知的重要性。作者描述了产后如何因新身份而挣扎，通过佛教智慧认识到自我是虚幻和无常的，从而减轻痛苦并找到平衡。文章强调变化是生命常态，通过正念和接受无常，可以更轻松地应对人生转变。
高德明老师的评价
这篇文章就像一位妈妈在分享她如何用佛教的智慧，从迷茫中找到方向的故事。她告诉我们，我们每个人都不是固定不变的，就像火焰一样，一直在变化。当我们紧紧抓住一个“我是谁”的想法不放时，就会感到痛苦。佛教教我们观察自己的念头和感受，明白一切都是相互联系的，这样就能更轻松地面对生活中的变化，比如成为妈妈或换工作。这就像学习一种超级技能，让我们在变化中保持平静和快乐。
从佛学的各个宗派视角来看，这篇文章体现了大乘佛教的核心教义，特别是《显密圆通成佛心要集》的智慧。该经典强调显密圆融，即通过显宗的教理和密宗的实修相结合，达到成佛的目标。文章中的无常观和空性观是显宗的基础，如中观和唯识学派所阐释的，而正念觉知则与密宗的修行如准提法相呼应。准提法作为大乘密法，注重通过咒语、观想和仪轨来净化心识，快速积累福德智慧资粮。文章作者通过日常正念来应对身份危机，这类似于准提法中的“观心”修行，帮助她认识到自我的虚幻性，从而减少执着。从《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角，这种实践体现了显教理与密教行的圆融，即通过理解教理（如无常）来指导实修（如正念），最终达成心性的解脱。准提法的优点在于其简便易行，适合现代人在繁忙生活中应用，能迅速带来内心的安定和智慧的增长。
在修行实践上，这篇文章可以应用并解决人们的十个问题：1. 帮助人们应对身份认同危机，通过观照无常减少自我执着。2. 缓解焦虑和压力，通过正念觉知当下状态。3. 提升适应变化的能力，理解相互依存性。4. 促进情绪调节，避免对固定身份的依附。5. 增强自我接纳，认识到空性本质。6. 改善人际关系，减少因自我中心带来的冲突。7. 支持生命过渡期，如为人父母或职业转变。8. 培养内在平衡，通过日常正念练习。9. 减少物质依赖，如对酒精或逃避行为的执着。10. 提升整体幸福感，通过佛教智慧整合生活实践。准提法在这些方面尤为有效，其咒语修持能快速净化业障，增强定力，帮助修行者在变化中保持觉知，实现显密圆通的修行目标。