英文原文
Mindful Speech: 5 Guidelines for Compassionate Communication
If you are brave enough to venture into online comment sections, you may feel as if you need a shower afterward. I know I do. Online communications are a minefield. The proliferation of anonymous commenting on blogs and social media has allowed people to insult others with abandon. And it seems to be across the board, in all areas of endeavor—including yoga. If you’ve ever perused the comments about any of the yoga controversies of the past 10 years, you know what I mean. Mindful speech is shockingly absent from most online communication.
In the past few years I’ve found myself bemoaning the seemingly deteriorating state of communication in our culture. But current political discourse has pushed me over the edge, making me want to double down on a practice I began almost 20 years ago: mindful speech.
Fueled by a conversational faux pas I made that still makes me cringe, I decided to make speaking mindfully a core practice back in the ’90s. The effort to speak mindfully seems to be an endless learning experience, one I suspect I will never master.
The Buddha placed Right Speech third on the Eightfold Path, just after Right View and Right Intention, and ahead of Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration.
Speech is powerful. I’ve learned over the years that speaking mindfully is not as easy as it sounds. The Buddha outlined five parameters for speech that I’ve listed below. Because mindful speaking is a very complicated practice, what I offer here is just a short synopsis, a few thoughts to consider.
5 Ways to Practice Mindful Speech
Truthfulness
Speaking truthfully means refraining from speaking what isn’t true. This includes not only outright lying, but also shading or exaggerating the truth, and lying by omission. Sometimes we lie to keep ourselves out of trouble, or we exaggerate to make ourselves look a little better—maybe padding our resumes or taking credit where it isn’t due. While little white lies seem harmless, telling them reinforces the habit of not telling the truth. The more we get away with telling little white lies, the easier it is to do it again.
Speaking truthfully simplifies our lives. If you’ve ever told a lie and had to then tell other lies to keep propping up the original one, you know how complicated this can be. Telling the truth eliminates a whole lot of stress.
Practice speaking only what is true. Notice when your mind wants to exaggerate or shade the truth.
Refraining from Gossip
Gossiping seems to be an addiction. It’s so often what our conversations turn to. But most of the time, gossip serves only to divide. Talking trash about people who aren’t present isolates them, without giving them an opportunity to defend themselves. It is always one-sided.
There are times, of course, when speaking about a person who isn’t present, out of concern for their welfare, is appropriate. It is also appropriate to talk about others when the intention is to bring people together. Malicious gossip is a toxic pattern however, and serves no purpose other than to create division.
Try not speaking negatively about anyone who isn’t present. Is this challenging? How does it change your conversations?
Refraining from Harsh Speech
We’ve all heard the old trope about sticks and stones. I would counter that words do have tremendous potential to harm us. The residue from another’s harsh words can last for years. Angry and harsh speech is an act of violence. When we speak harshly to another person, the point is to inflict pain. Quite often angry speech can spiral out of control, so that what spills out isn’t even true.
In his book, The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, Thich Nhat Hanh suggests that when we feel the impulse to speak out of anger, that we instead step back and ask if we can continue our conversation later. This gives our anger a chance to cool so that we can return to the conversation at a time when we can speak with more clarity and respect.
Refraining from Useless Speech
There’s a Pali word for useless speech that is a prime example of onomatopoeia: sampappalapa. Sampappalapa is the act of talking just to talk, inserting oneself into a conversation with something unrelated or unnecessary, often just to assert our presence.
As an introvert, I’m not a person who tends to prattle on or interrupt conversations. However, as a person who grew up in a family that often spoke in snark, in certain company, I can definitely toss out one-liners with the best of them. The longer I practice right speech, the more I realize that most of these one-liners aren’t necessary, and sometimes they can even get me into trouble. Sometimes they can be hurtful.
When you’re in conversation, consider whether what you’re about to say actually adds to what is being said.
Speaking at the Appropriate Time
There are appropriate and inappropriate times for certain types of speech. For example, while I confess to a bit of a swearing habit in casual conversation, I try to refrain from using possibly offensive words when I’m teaching yoga. Or at least, I try. I also try to tamp down my snarky tendencies in professional situations.
An associate of mine believes it is important to tell it like it is. While it is a worthy goal to maintain honesty in relationships, personal grievances are best aired in one-on-one conversation. Time and again, this person has called down others—including me—with personal grievances during work-related situations in front of other colleagues. This not only humiliates the object of her ire, but it also makes others extremely uncomfortable as they witness what should be a personal matter between two people.
When you feel a need to air a grievance or make a snide comment, consider not only whether it is necessary at all, but also whether the situation is appropriate.
Practicing Mindful Speech
Over the years, I’ve noticed that practicing mindful speech, without fail, causes me to speak less and listen more. This is probably a positive thing. Listening begets learning. And considering your words cultivates deeper awareness. The inclusion of Right Speech on the Eightfold Path means that its practice is essential for liberating our minds.
Social media is a great place to practice right speech. Writing allows you to consider your words. I never comment anonymously. I don’t say anything online that I don’t feel comfortable owning. Invariably, this makes me more mindful of the possible effects of my words on people who may read them.
If you choose to practice mindful speaking, you will likely stumble sometimes. I still sometimes say things I wish I hadn’t. Like so many things worth exploring, the practice of Right Speech is a process, one that I believe can make our world a kinder, more welcoming place for all of us.
Think Before You Speak: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are some time-honored questions to ask yourself when you feel compelled to speak:
Is it true? Is it useful? Is it kind? Is it the right time?
中文翻译
正念言语：慈悲沟通的五项指南
如果你有勇气涉足在线评论区，之后可能会觉得需要洗个澡。我知道我就是这样。在线交流是个雷区。博客和社交媒体上匿名评论的泛滥让人们可以肆意侮辱他人。这似乎遍及所有领域，包括瑜伽。如果你曾浏览过去十年关于任何瑜伽争议的评论，你就明白我的意思。正念言语在大多数在线交流中惊人地缺失。
过去几年，我发现自己哀叹我们文化中看似恶化的沟通状态。但当前的政治话语把我推到了边缘，让我想加倍投入近20年前开始的一项实践：正念言语。
由于一次让我至今仍感尴尬的谈话失误，我在90年代决定将正念言语作为核心实践。正念言语的努力似乎是一个无止境的学习经历，我怀疑我永远无法掌握。
佛陀将正语置于八正道第三位，紧随正见和正思惟之后，领先于正业、正命、正精进、正念和正定。
言语是强大的。多年来我学到，正念言语并不像听起来那么容易。佛陀概述了言语的五个参数，我已在下面列出。由于正念言语是一个非常复杂的实践，我在这里提供的只是一个简短的概要，一些值得思考的想法。
实践正念言语的五种方式
诚实
诚实意味着避免说不真实的话。这不仅包括公然撒谎，还包括掩盖或夸大事实，以及通过省略撒谎。有时我们撒谎是为了避免麻烦，或者夸大其词让自己看起来更好一点——也许美化简历或窃取不应得的功劳。虽然善意的谎言似乎无害，但说它们会强化不说真话的习惯。我们越能逃脱说善意的谎言，就越容易再次这样做。
诚实简化了我们的生活。如果你曾撒过谎，然后不得不撒其他谎来支撑原来的谎言，你就知道这有多复杂。说实话消除了大量压力。
练习只说真实的话。注意你的心何时想夸大或掩盖真相。
避免闲言碎语
闲言碎语似乎是一种瘾。它常常是我们谈话的转向。但大多数时候，闲言碎语只会分裂。背后说人坏话会孤立他们，不给他们辩护的机会。这总是片面的。
当然，有时出于对他人福祉的关心，谈论不在场的人是合适的。当意图是团结人们时，谈论他人也是合适的。然而，恶意的闲言碎语是一种有毒的模式，除了制造分裂外毫无目的。
尝试不对任何不在场的人说负面的话。这有挑战性吗？它如何改变你的谈话？
避免恶语
我们都听过那句老话“棍棒和石头”。我会反驳说，言语确实有巨大的伤害潜力。他人恶语的残留可以持续多年。愤怒和恶语是一种暴力行为。当我们对他人恶语相向时，目的是造成痛苦。愤怒的言语常常会失控，以至于说出来的甚至不是真的。
在他的书《佛陀教义的核心》中，一行禅师建议，当我们感到出于愤怒说话的冲动时，我们应该退一步，问是否可以稍后继续谈话。这给我们的愤怒一个冷却的机会，以便我们可以在能够更清晰和尊重地说话时回到谈话中。
避免无益言语
巴利语中有一个词表示无益言语，是拟声词的绝佳例子：sampappalapa。Sampappalapa 是为了说话而说话的行为，用无关或不必要的东西插入谈话，常常只是为了表明我们的存在。
作为一个内向的人，我不是一个倾向于喋喋不休或打断谈话的人。然而，作为一个在经常讽刺的家庭中长大的人，在某些场合，我绝对可以抛出最好的俏皮话。我实践正语越久，就越意识到大多数这些俏皮话是不必要的，有时它们甚至会给我带来麻烦。有时它们可能是有害的。
当你在谈话中时，考虑你即将说的话是否真正增加了正在说的内容。
在适当的时间说话
某些类型的言语有适当和不适当的时间。例如，虽然我承认在随意谈话中有一些咒骂习惯，但我在教瑜伽时尽量避免使用可能冒犯的词语。或者至少，我尝试。我也尝试在专业场合压制我的讽刺倾向。
我的一位同事认为重要的是实话实说。虽然在关系中保持诚实是一个值得的目标，但个人不满最好在一对一谈话中表达。一次又一次，这个人在工作相关场合中，在其他同事面前，用个人不满指责他人——包括我。这不仅羞辱了她愤怒的对象，也让其他人极度不适，因为他们目睹了本应是两人之间的个人事务。
当你感到需要表达不满或说讽刺的话时，考虑不仅是否必要，而且情况是否适当。
实践正念言语
多年来，我注意到实践正念言语，无一例外，让我说得更少，听得更多。这可能是一件积极的事情。倾听带来学习。考虑你的言语培养更深的觉知。正语在八正道中的包含意味着其实践对于解放我们的心至关重要。
社交媒体是实践正语的好地方。写作让你考虑你的言语。我从不匿名评论。我不在网上说任何我不愿意负责的话。这总是让我更注意我的言语对可能阅读它们的人的潜在影响。
如果你选择实践正念言语，你有时可能会绊倒。我仍然有时会说一些我希望没说的话。像许多值得探索的事情一样，正语的实践是一个过程，我相信它能让我们的世界对我们所有人来说更友善、更受欢迎。
说话前三思：问自己的四个问题
这里是一些久经考验的问题，当你感到被迫说话时问自己：
这是真的吗？这有用吗？这友善吗？这是正确的时间吗？
文章概要
本文探讨了如何在中年沟通中实践正念言语，基于佛陀八正道中的正语原则。文章指出在线交流中正念言语的缺失，并分享了作者近20年的实践心得。核心内容围绕五项指南展开：诚实（避免撒谎、夸大或掩盖真相）、避免闲言碎语（除非出于关心或团结目的）、避免恶语（愤怒言语是暴力，建议冷静后再谈）、避免无益言语（不必要或无关的谈话）以及在适当时间说话（考虑场合和时机）。文章强调正语实践能减少说话、增加倾听，促进学习和觉知，并建议在社交媒体中应用，通过写作反思言语。最后提出四个自问问题：是否真实、有用、友善、时机恰当，以指导沟通。整体聚焦于通过正语提升慈悲交流，改善人际关系和内心自由。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
这篇文章就像教我们怎么好好说话的游戏规则。它说，说话要像玩一个超级重要的游戏，有五条黄金法则。第一，要说真话，不撒谎也不吹牛，这样生活更简单，不用编一堆谎话来圆。第二，不在背后说别人坏话，除非是为了帮助别人或者让大家团结。第三，不骂人不说难听话，因为坏话会让人伤心很久，生气时最好先冷静一下再聊。第四，不说废话，比如插嘴说些没用的，要想想说的话有没有用。第五，在合适的时间说话，比如不在大家面前抱怨私事。这样做，我们会少说多听，学到更多，还能让世界变得更友好。最后，说话前问自己四个问题：是真的吗？有用吗？友善吗？是时候说吗？这样就能成为说话小高手啦！
佛学的各个宗派视角评价，突出《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角
从佛学宗派视角看，本文的正语实践深植于大乘佛教的慈悲智慧。在显宗中，正语作为八正道之一，强调言语的清净与利他，与戒律学相呼应，旨在净化身口意三业。禅宗注重当下觉知，正语即是在言语中体现“直心是道场”，避免妄念纷飞。净土宗则以念佛为正行，正语可辅助培养清净口业，回向净土。唯识宗视言语为识的显现，正语训练能转识成智，减少烦恼种子。
特别从《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角，正语实践与准提法圆融无碍。该论强调显密双修，正语作为显宗基础，与密宗真言咒语相辅相成。准提法以准提咒为核心，通过持咒净化语业，正语则是日常言语中的咒语应用，让每句话都如咒语般具足功德。本文指南如诚实、避免恶语等，正是准提法“三密相应”中口密的延伸，将言语转化为佛性的流露。在中年沟通中，实践正语能积累资粮，为密修奠定基础，体现显密圆通的妙用。
在修行实践上可以应用的和可以解决人们的十个问题。
在修行实践上，正语指南可直接应用于日常生活，解决人们的沟通困扰。基于准提法和大乘视角，它可以解决以下十个问题：1. 减少因撒谎或夸大带来的内心焦虑和人际关系紧张，通过诚实培养信任。2. 化解闲言碎语导致的团队分裂，促进和谐共处。3. 缓解愤怒恶语造成的伤害和后悔，提升情绪管理能力。4. 避免无益言语浪费时间精力，提高沟通效率。5. 在适当时间说话，减少尴尬冲突，增强社交智慧。6. 通过少说多听，加深对他人和自我的理解，促进学习成长。7. 在社交媒体等在线平台中，培养负责任言论，减少网络暴力。8. 增强觉知力，让言语成为修行的道场，净化业力。9. 支持中年阶段的沟通挑战，如职场压力或家庭矛盾，带来平和心态。10. 积累福德资粮，为正念和禅定打下基础，加速解脱进程。这些应用彰显了准提法的实用性，将佛学智慧融入现代生活。