英文原文
How to Boost Your Resilience So Nothing Can Keep You Down
By Joseph Pennington
“No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That’s the only way to keep the roads clear” ~Greg Kincaid
How is it that some people can breeze through physical and emotional pain, whereas others wince at the mere thought of it? Is it their genes? Their individual circumstances? Their support network? Or is it a certain strength of character, something each and every one of us can develop with the right tools and training?
Two years ago I found myself needing to answer these questions. I was sitting in a cafe in East London, wiping the tears from my cheeks with a napkin. To my boss, who’d just informed me she no longer needed me, it would’ve looked a little overdramatic. But at least an hour had passed since she’d left.
It was uncertain whether or not I’d be paid the previous month’s wages. I needed it to cover last month’s rent, to buy food for the following weeks, and now to call my mom. I’d moved to London only a month prior, giving up a good job and a bright future in a good company to work on a new, small but promising community project.
Despite the words of warning and concern from my family, I believed this was going to be the start of something great. Those tears were not for losing the position or even a month’s worth of hard work, but for the excruciating feeling of having to admit I was wrong and call my parents to take me in.
I was a mess. I felt like a failure to myself and to all those who’d been looking out for me.
Today when I think about that unfortunate time, I realize I wouldn’t be where I am now without it. I learned an early and somewhat easy lesson in resilience.
Resilience: ”An individual’s ability to properly adapt to stress and adversity.”
Resilience is not something you either have or don’t have. It’s a set of behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed by anyone. And the great thing is, you don’t need to lose your job, money, or pride to cultivate it.
There are three keystone habits to master in order to become a temple of strength and resilience in times of adversity. I’ve spent the past several years practicing them, and they’ve completely transformed my life, so naturally, I now want to share them with you.
Some of the tips may appear simple, but they take a concerted effort to put into practice and master. Start little by little today, and they’ll soon become a part of your body’s natural stress response.
Focus on Finding the Good
To be resilient, you need to be able to find reasons to be optimistic—some way your circumstances may actually be beneficial to you in the long run. It’s nearly impossible to bounce back when you’re focusing on how horrible a situation is. It’s much easier when you can find blessings in disguise within difficult times or identify lessons that can help you going forward.
But this doesn’t mean you don’t experience difficulty or distress. In fact, those who are highly resilient have a much more diverse repertoire of emotions than those who are not. They feel pain, mourn losses, and endure frustrations, but they understand that pain is temporary, and they focus on identifying the positive in the negative and opportunities in challenges.
If we don’t learn to look for the positive, we quickly become victims to the negativity bias—which means that even when the positives and negatives of a situation are of equal intensity, the unpleasant and traumatic thoughts and emotions affect us most. This is toxic because as soon as we start to complain, we become victims. If we smile and refuse to get caught up in negative interpretations of events, we are simply experiencers.
It took me a while to see what good could come of being left in East London with no money, job, or clue as to what I was going to do next. It was only several months later, when my life took an unexpected turn for the better, that I would start to question the whole idea of positive and negative experiences and see that each brings their own unique possibilities.
That’s often how it happens; at first, it seems there’s only one way to interpret adversity. In retrospect, though, we often find that a chain of seemingly negative events put us directly on the path to something worthwhile. Resilient people remember this when everything seems bleak.
Question Your Thoughts and Feelings
One major difference between those who are resilient and those who are not is self-awareness—the ability to identify their emotions and question the thoughts that preceded them.
We know highly resilient people still experience reactive emotions from adversity like fear and worry, but they approach them in an active manner, identifying the thoughts that led to these emotions, challenging them, and quickly adapting. This is how they’re able to bounce back and summon confidence at will.
The best way to avoid getting caught up in emotional reactions is to practice meditation in small bouts every day.
Traditional meditation is great, but come 3 p.m. when you’re tired and hungry and in the middle of a heated debate with a colleague, it’s easy to forget the twenty minutes of calm and tranquil bliss you experienced that morning. Incorporating small bouts of meditation into your day allows you to regularly regulate your emotional state.
Today, I don’t actively seek out difficult conversations or sticky situations, but when they do appear on my radar, I’m fully prepared and equipped to handle them. Of course, this is easier said than done, and recently this belief was challenged when a call from a family member completely knocked me off my trajectory.
I hadn’t seen my grandma for years, not because I didn’t care but because I got busy with life, and I unwittingly convinced myself that she wouldn’t get sick again. So when it happened, it hit me hard.
The subsequent feelings of depression and woe that consumed me at first felt inevitable, but before I knew it, I was focusing on my breath, questioning my thoughts, and reframing the situation in a positive light.
At first, the situation seemed to have no upsides. Then I realized this was a reminder that life is short, and I need to be in touch with my grandmother more regularly. This same reminder also rekindled her appreciation for life. Pain wasn’t the only thing that could come from this situation, but growth, opportunity, and greater meaning.
Run Toward the Pain
As human beings, we naturally seek refuge in comfort.
Our minds and bodies are content following familiar patterns and routines, conserving energy and hiding from the scary unknown.
Unfortunately, that means we become dependent on external aids like smartphones to do difficult tasks and any strenuous thinking for us. This discomfort-avoiding behavior rubs off onto other areas of our lives: one minute you’re avoiding the pain of being alone by scrolling through Facebook, and the next you may be avoiding your feelings after losing someone close to you, inhibiting your ability to move forward.
Resilient people accept painful situations and face them head-on, trusting that they can get through them.
Rethink the little moments of discomfort and anxiety in your day as signposts to resilience and optimal health, from setting limitations on checking your phone to having that awkward conversation with a loved one.
Whenever I catch myself feeling even an ounce of discomfort, I stop and think, “What is the next course of action that will make me feel most satisfied: avoidance or plowing straight ahead?”
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The same characteristics that make us resilient are the same traits that allow us to live stronger and more enriched lives. So look on the bright side, challenge your reactive thoughts and emotions, and learn to lean into discomfort. Then even if life gets you down, it won’t be able to keep you there.
About Joseph Pennington
Joseph Pennington is a freelance writer, Master's student of Mindfulness, and the creator of the mindfulness voice app, Bebot: The Three Minute Breathing Space. Find out more about the breathing space and hear directly from Bebot, your mindful robot friend, by subscribing to her newsletter.
中文翻译
如何提升你的韧性，让任何事都无法击垮你
作者：约瑟夫·彭宁顿
“无论有多少困难压在我们身上，我们都要继续前进。这是保持道路畅通的唯一方法。” ~格雷格·金凯德
为什么有些人能够轻松应对身体和情感上的痛苦，而另一些人一想到痛苦就退缩？是他们的基因吗？是他们个人的境遇吗？还是他们的支持网络？或者是一种性格上的力量，我们每个人都可以通过正确的工具和训练来培养？
两年前，我发现自己需要回答这些问题。我坐在伦敦东部的一家咖啡馆里，用纸巾擦去脸颊上的泪水。对我的老板来说，她刚刚告诉我她不再需要我了，这看起来可能有点过于戏剧化。但至少她已经离开一个小时了。
我不确定是否能拿到上个月的工资。我需要这笔钱来支付上个月的房租，购买接下来几周的食物，现在还要打电话给我妈妈。我一个月前才搬到伦敦，放弃了一份好工作和一家好公司的光明前途，去参与一个新的、小而充满希望的社区项目。
尽管家人警告和担忧，我相信这将是一个伟大事业的开始。那些眼泪不是为了失去职位，甚至不是为了一个月辛勤工作的白费，而是为了不得不承认自己错了，并打电话给父母让他们收留我的那种痛苦感觉。
我一片混乱。我觉得自己辜负了自己和所有关心我的人。
今天，当我回想起那段不幸的时光，我意识到如果没有它，我就不会成为现在的我。我学到了一个关于韧性的早期且相对简单的教训。
韧性：“个体适当适应压力和逆境的能力。”
韧性不是你拥有或不拥有的东西。它是一套行为、思想和行动，任何人都可以学习和培养。最棒的是，你不需要失去工作、金钱或自尊来培养它。
为了在逆境中成为力量和韧性的殿堂，需要掌握三个关键习惯。过去几年我一直在实践它们，它们彻底改变了我的生活，所以自然地，我现在想与你们分享。
有些建议可能看起来简单，但它们需要协同努力才能付诸实践和掌握。今天就开始一点一点地做，它们很快就会成为你身体自然应激反应的一部分。
专注于寻找好处
要具备韧性，你需要能够找到乐观的理由——某种方式让你的境遇在长远来看实际上对你有益。当你专注于情况有多糟糕时，几乎不可能反弹。当你能在困难时期找到伪装中的祝福，或者识别出能帮助你前进的教训时，就容易多了。
但这并不意味着你不会经历困难或痛苦。事实上，那些高度有韧性的人比那些没有韧性的人拥有更多样化的情感。他们感到痛苦，哀悼损失，忍受挫折，但他们明白痛苦是暂时的，他们专注于在消极中找到积极，在挑战中找到机会。
如果我们不学会寻找积极面，我们很快就会成为负面偏见的受害者——这意味着即使情况的积极面和消极面强度相等，不愉快和创伤性的想法和情感对我们影响最大。这是有害的，因为一旦我们开始抱怨，我们就成了受害者。如果我们微笑并拒绝陷入对事件的负面解读，我们只是体验者。
我花了一段时间才看到，被留在伦敦东部，没有钱、没有工作、也不知道下一步该做什么，能带来什么好处。直到几个月后，当我的生活意外好转时，我才开始质疑整个积极和消极经历的概念，并看到每一种经历都带来自己独特的可能性。
事情往往就是这样发生的；起初，似乎只有一种方式来解读逆境。然而，回顾过去，我们常常发现一系列看似消极的事件直接把我们引向了有价值的东西。有韧性的人在一切似乎黯淡时记得这一点。
质疑你的想法和感受
有韧性的人和没有韧性的人之间的一个主要区别是自我意识——识别自己的情绪并质疑导致这些情绪的想法。
我们知道高度有韧性的人仍然会经历来自逆境的反应性情绪，如恐惧和担忧，但他们以积极的方式处理这些情绪，识别导致这些情绪的想法，挑战它们，并迅速适应。这就是他们能够反弹并随意召唤自信的方式。
避免陷入情绪反应的最佳方法是每天进行小段的冥想练习。
传统冥想很棒，但到了下午3点，当你又累又饿，正在与同事激烈辩论时，很容易忘记早上体验到的二十分钟平静安宁的幸福。将小段冥想融入你的一天，可以让你定期调节情绪状态。
今天，我不会主动寻找困难的对话或棘手的情况，但当它们出现在我的雷达上时，我完全准备好并装备好来处理它们。当然，这说起来容易做起来难，最近这个信念受到了挑战，当时一个家庭成员的来电完全打乱了我的轨迹。
我已经多年没有见到我的祖母了，不是因为我不关心，而是因为我忙于生活，并且无意中说服自己她不会再生病了。所以当事情发生时，它打击了我。
最初吞噬我的抑郁和悲伤感觉似乎是不可避免的，但在我意识到之前，我正在专注于呼吸，质疑我的想法，并以积极的方式重新构建情况。
起初，情况似乎没有任何好处。然后我意识到这是一个提醒，生命短暂，我需要更经常地与祖母保持联系。同样的提醒也重新点燃了她对生活的感激。痛苦不是这种情况下唯一能产生的东西，还有成长、机会和更大的意义。
奔向痛苦
作为人类，我们自然寻求舒适的庇护。
我们的身心满足于遵循熟悉的模式和惯例，保存能量，躲避可怕的未知。
不幸的是，这意味着我们变得依赖外部辅助工具，如智能手机，来为我们完成困难的任务和任何费力的思考。这种避免不适的行为渗透到我们生活的其他领域：前一分钟你通过刷Facebook来避免孤独的痛苦，下一分钟你可能在失去亲近的人后避免自己的感受，抑制你前进的能力。
有韧性的人接受痛苦的情况并直面它们，相信他们能够度过。
重新思考你一天中那些小小的不适和焦虑时刻，将它们视为通往韧性和最佳健康的标志，从限制查看手机到与亲人进行尴尬的对话。
每当我发现自己感到哪怕一丝不适，我就会停下来思考，“下一个让我感到最满足的行动是什么：逃避还是直接前进？”
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让我们有韧性的特征，也正是让我们生活得更强大、更丰富的特质。所以，看光明的一面，挑战你的反应性想法和情绪，学会拥抱不适。那么，即使生活让你倒下，它也无法让你一直待在那里。
关于约瑟夫·彭宁顿
约瑟夫·彭宁顿是一名自由撰稿人，正念硕士学生，也是正念语音应用Bebot：三分钟呼吸空间的创造者。通过订阅她的新闻通讯，了解更多关于呼吸空间的信息，并直接听取Bebot，你正念机器人朋友的意见。
文章概要
本文以作者个人经历为例，探讨了如何在逆境中培养韧性。文章定义了韧性为适应压力和逆境的能力，并指出韧性可通过学习获得。作者提出了三个关键习惯：1. 专注于寻找逆境中的积极面和机会；2. 通过自我意识和冥想质疑并调节负面想法和情绪；3. 主动面对而非逃避痛苦。这些习惯帮助作者从失业等挫折中恢复，并强调韧性特质能带来更丰富的生活。文章结合了正念实践，旨在提供实用的心理韧性提升方法。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
这篇文章讲的是一个人怎么在遇到困难时不被打倒，变得更坚强。作者分享了自己在伦敦丢了工作、没钱、很伤心的故事，但他后来发现，这些坏事其实教会了他很多东西。他总结了三个好办法：第一，在坏事情里找好的地方，比如学到教训；第二，当自己感到难过或生气时，停下来想一想这些感觉对不对，可以用呼吸让自己平静；第三，不要躲开痛苦，要勇敢面对。就像玩游戏，遇到难关不能放弃，要闯过去才能升级。这些方法让作者变得更强大，生活也更开心了。
佛学的各个宗派视角评价，突出《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角
从佛学视角看，本文探讨的韧性主题与佛教教义高度契合，尤其在中年逆境应对方面。显宗视角下，文章强调的“寻找积极面”对应佛教的“转烦恼为菩提”，将逆境视为修行的增上缘，符合大乘菩萨道自利利他的精神。密宗视角中，通过冥想调节情绪体现了“即身成佛”的实践，将日常烦恼转化为觉悟的资粮。《显密圆通成佛心要集》特别强调“显密双修、理事圆融”，本文的韧性培养方法正体现了这一理念：显教层面的正面思维（理）与密教层面的冥想实践（事）相结合，达到逆境中的心性安稳。准提法作为显密圆融的典范，其“准提咒”修持能迅速净化业障、增强心力，与本文“奔向痛苦”的勇气训练异曲同工，都致力于在烦恼中开启智慧。
在修行实践上可以应用的和可以解决人们的十个问题。
在修行实践上，本文的韧性培养方法可应用于准提法修持，帮助解决人们的十个常见问题：1. 面对失业或事业挫折时的无力感，通过准提咒持诵增强信心；2. 经济压力下的焦虑，以正念呼吸稳定情绪；3. 人际关系冲突的烦恼，用“质疑想法”练习化解嗔恨；4. 健康危机的恐惧，借逆境观修生命无常；5. 孤独与疏离感，在冥想中连接佛性本自具足；6. 自我怀疑与低自尊，通过“寻找积极面”培养自我慈悲；7. 家庭责任带来的压力，以准提法回向转化负担为功德；8. 中年迷茫与意义缺失，在痛苦面对中探索生命深层价值；9. 情绪失控的困扰，用短时冥想即时调节；10. 逃避倾向的惯性，以“奔向痛苦”的勇气积累修行资粮。这些实践凸显了准提法“简易圆顿”的优点，让修行者在日常生活中即能显密兼修，快速提升心理韧性。