英文原文
Understanding our ego states — Yoga Nesadurai
I am currently preparing to work on a client project that uses transaction analysis (TA). My client uses it as a practical tool to help their people engage better. I am not new to TA, but it has been a while since I have used it in as much depth as my client does. As I re-immersed myself in TA, I realised what a useful tool it is and one that we all could benefit from.
Transactional analysis is a psychoanalytical theory developed by Eric Berne in the 1950s. Transactions refer to the communication exchanges between people. It is an intellectual tool that helps us understand the basis of behaviour or feeling in communication and allows us to examine it and choose the way we want to respond. The communication typically consists of a stimulus by one person (the sender) and a response by another (the receiver). This in turn becomes a new stimulus for the sender to respond to.
TA recognised that the human personality is made up of three ego states: the parent, the adult, and the child. Each of which is an entire and consistent system of thought, feeling, and behaviour from which we interact with each other. The Parent, Adult, and Child ego states and the interaction between them form the foundation of transactional analysis theory.
The three states exist in all of us. They are recordings in the brain of actual experiences of internal and external events – with the first five years of life signifying the most important years.
The Parent
This is everything we learned from our parents in our first five years of life. It is the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours we ‘borrowed’ from our parents or caregivers. Some of the ‘how tos’ that we practice today form our parent data.
The parent ego state can be further divided into 2 functions: the nurturing parent and critical parent. The nurturing is soft, loving and permission-giving. Whilst the critical parent holds our dos and don’ts. The rules for living, feeling, behaving, and believing from our parents.
As you can imagine, some of the messages we hold in the parent ego state can be helpful whilst other messages not. (Note: you don’t have to be a parent to use the parent ego state)
The Child
If the parent ego state is represented by the recordings of data of external events, there is another set of recordings happening simultaneously. This is the internal events, the responses of the child to what we hear and see. In early life, the child has no vocabulary, most of their reactions are feelings. So, when a person is in a grip of feelings, the child ego state takes over.
All our thoughts and emotions from our childhood days form our present-day memories and experiences. Our childlike ways can appear later in life. Bringing the same childhood feelings today that we felt back then.
The child ego state can be divided into 2 parts: the free child and adapted child. The free child experiences the world spontaneously and directly. The adapted child is part of our personality that has learned to comply with our parental messages we received growing up.
The Adult
The adult ego state is our data processing centre. It is the part of our personality that can process data accurately using our senses and thinking. Problem-solving is based on the facts and not solely on preconceived thoughts and ideas or childlike emotions.
The adult ego state data is accumulated from the child’s ability to discern the difference between the taught (parent), felt (child) concepts of life. The adult concept develops through thought based on data gathered and processed.
The principal role of the adult ego state consists of validating or invalidating old data, discerning new data, and refiling it for future use.
A basic parent-child transaction
So, how do we know which ego state we are using in our transactions?
There are several ways to tell which ego state we or someone else is using. Usually through the tone of voice, choice of words, emotional state, or way of being, body posture, and gestures.
If soft and soothing, the sender is probably in a nurturing parent ego state. If the tone is harsh, disapproving or threatening, then the sender is probably in a critical parent ego state. An even, controlled and clear tone of voice usually implies the adult ego state. A free child tends to have an emotion-laden tone of voice. And the adapted child may either whine or conform, behaving as what is expected of them.
Similarly, gestures, choice of words, body posture can signify which state we are using. The Parent typically warns or wags their finger with stern facial expressions – seeking to be understood. The Adult has more thoughtful expressions, often nods their head in agreement with contemplative facial expressions – seeking to understand. The child is more expressive both physically and emotionally. Typically, one of excitement with more noticeable gestures – seeking.
I will stop here this week. Next week I shall continue with analysing transactions and where dissonance can occur and how to navigate it. Until then, I invite you to analyse your daily transactions to discern your ego states.
Is there an ego state that you use more?
As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com
中文翻译
理解我们的自我状态——Yoga Nesadurai
我目前正在准备一个使用交互分析（TA）的客户项目。我的客户将其作为一种实用工具，帮助员工更好地参与。我对TA并不陌生，但已经有一段时间没有像我的客户那样深入使用它了。当我重新沉浸于TA时，我意识到它是一个多么有用的工具，我们所有人都可以从中受益。
交互分析是Eric Berne在20世纪50年代发展的一种心理分析理论。交互指的是人与人之间的沟通交流。它是一种智力工具，帮助我们理解沟通中行为或感受的基础，并允许我们检查它并选择我们想要回应的方式。沟通通常包括一个人（发送者）的刺激和另一个人（接收者）的回应。这反过来又成为发送者回应的新刺激。
TA认识到人类人格由三种自我状态组成：父母、成人和儿童。每一种都是一个完整且一致的思维、感受和行为系统，我们通过这些系统相互互动。父母、成人和儿童自我状态以及它们之间的互动构成了交互分析理论的基础。
这三种状态存在于我们所有人中。它们是我们大脑中实际经历的内外部事件的记录——生命的前五年是最重要的年份。
父母自我状态
这是我们在生命前五年从父母那里学到的一切。它是我们从父母或照顾者那里“借用”的思维、感受和行为。我们今天实践的一些“如何做”形成了我们的父母数据。
父母自我状态可以进一步分为两种功能：养育型父母和批判型父母。养育型是温柔、慈爱和给予许可的。而批判型父母则持有我们的“应该”和“不应该”。来自父母的生活、感受、行为和信仰的规则。
正如你可以想象的，我们在父母自我状态中持有的一些信息可能是有帮助的，而其他信息则不然。（注意：你不必是父母才能使用父母自我状态）
儿童自我状态
如果父母自我状态由外部事件数据的记录代表，那么还有另一组记录同时发生。这是内部事件，儿童对我们所听所见的回应。在早期生活中，儿童没有词汇，他们的反应大多是感受。因此，当一个人被感受控制时，儿童自我状态就会接管。
我们童年时期的所有思维和情感形成了我们现在的记忆和经历。我们孩子气的方式可能在以后的生活中出现。将我们当时感受到的相同童年感受带到今天。
儿童自我状态可以分为两部分：自由儿童和适应儿童。自由儿童自发而直接地体验世界。适应儿童是我们人格的一部分，它学会了遵守我们成长过程中收到的父母信息。
成人自我状态
成人自我状态是我们的数据处理中心。它是我们人格的一部分，可以使用我们的感官和思维准确处理数据。解决问题基于事实，而不仅仅是基于先入为主的思维和想法或孩子气的情绪。
成人自我状态数据积累自儿童区分所教（父母）和所感（儿童）生活概念的能力。成人概念通过基于收集和处理数据的思维发展。
成人自我状态的主要作用包括验证或无效化旧数据、辨别新数据，并重新归档以供未来使用。
一个基本的父母-儿童交互
那么，我们如何知道我们在交互中使用哪种自我状态？
有几种方法可以判断我们或他人正在使用哪种自我状态。通常通过语调、措辞选择、情绪状态、行为方式、身体姿势和手势。
如果语调柔和舒缓，发送者可能处于养育型父母自我状态。如果语调严厉、不赞成或威胁，那么发送者可能处于批判型父母自我状态。平稳、控制和清晰的语调通常意味着成人自我状态。自由儿童往往带有情绪化的语调。而适应儿童可能要么抱怨要么顺从，按照期望行事。
同样，手势、措辞选择、身体姿势可以表明我们正在使用哪种状态。父母通常警告或摇动手指，表情严肃——寻求被理解。成人有更多深思熟虑的表情，经常点头同意，表情沉思——寻求理解。儿童在身体和情感上更富有表现力。通常是兴奋的，手势更明显——寻求。
本周我将在这里停止。下周我将继续分析交互以及不和谐可能发生的地方以及如何应对。在此之前，我邀请你分析你的日常交互以辨别你的自我状态。
你更常使用哪种自我状态？
一如既往，你可以通过yoga@yoganesadurai.com联系我。
文章概要
本文介绍了交互分析（TA）理论，重点探讨了人类人格中的三种自我状态——父母、成人和儿童，并详细描述了每种状态的特点和功能。文章强调了成人自我状态作为数据处理中心的重要性，特别是在沟通中基于事实解决问题。结合关键词“adult ego state in email communication”，文章指出在邮件沟通中，成人自我状态通过平稳、清晰的语调和深思熟虑的措辞，有助于实现有效、理性的交流，避免情绪化或批判性的互动。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
这篇文章讲的是我们每个人心里都有三个小角色，就像三个小精灵一样。第一个是“父母精灵”，它像爸爸妈妈一样，有时候很温柔，有时候很严格，告诉我们该做什么不该做什么。第二个是“儿童精灵”，它像小时候的我们，开心就笑，难过就哭，很直接。第三个是“成人精灵”，它最聪明，像个小电脑，会认真想事情，用事实来解决问题。在写邮件的时候，如果我们多用“成人精灵”，说话清楚、冷静，就能更好地和别人沟通，不会吵架或闹情绪哦！
佛学的各个宗派视角评价，突出《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角
从佛学视角看，交互分析中的自我状态可与佛教心性理论相映照。父母自我状态类似“习气”或“业力”的累积，源于早期熏习；儿童自我状态对应“无明”与“情绪”的波动，显现有漏心识；成人自我状态则近似“正念”与“智慧”的运作，体现理性抉择。依《显密圆通成佛心要集》的圆融观，这三种状态本是一心所现，父母状态如“方便教化”，儿童状态如“众生本具佛性”，成人状态如“般若妙智”。准提法强调“即事而真”，在日常沟通中启用成人自我状态，正是转识成智的契机，借邮件等事相修持，净化父母与儿童的杂染，显发本觉清明。大乘显宗视角下，成人自我状态之理性与慈悲结合，契合菩萨道自利利他的精神，以智慧处理沟通，减少烦恼，增进和谐。
在修行实践上可以应用的和可以解决人们的十个问题。
在修行实践上，成人自我状态的应用可融入准提法修持，解决人们日常问题。一、提升沟通清晰度，避免误解冲突；二、减少情绪化反应，培养平和心态；三、增强决策理性，基于事实而非偏见；四、改善人际关系，促进理解与包容；五、提高工作效率，专注目标达成；六、缓解压力焦虑，以智慧应对挑战；七、增强自我觉察，识别心念起伏；八、培养慈悲心，以成人状态关怀他人；九、净化习气，转化父母与儿童状态的负面模式；十、成就世间事业，借事练心，积累福德资粮。准提法之妙用，在于即此沟通之事而修，成人状态如镜智照了，念念回归本觉，解决生活烦恼，导向解脱。