英文原文
Radical acceptance: How to face things you cannot change. — Therapy for Anxiety and Trauma in San Francisco | Greg Bodin
Happy New Year! I hope it is off to a great start and that if you made any resolutions for the new year they are going well. Resolutions are always about change - I resolve to change something in my life that I want to do more of, do less of, start doing, etc. There are lots of ideas about how you can make change happen in your life and you can read more about that here, here and here.
Ultimately, however, we all face things that we cannot change. We experience relationships, life situations, work situations, etc. that for a variety of reasons we must continue to face, even though they can be unpleasant, distressing or exhausting. It could be: * a work situation that is unbearable but that you cannot leave, * a relationship that is frustrating and exhausting but that you must engage in, * a health issue that won’t improve or resolve.
I want to offer hope that even with challenges in your life that seem unbearable there is something that you can do.
Radical acceptance
One of the most useful concepts I’ve learned in my trainings as a therapist has been the concept of radical acceptance. Radical acceptance originates from a therapy modality called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). DBT is a helpful framework for building satisfying relationships, becoming more mindful and handling strong emotions in more effective ways.
Here’s a simple definition of radical acceptance: radical acceptance is about fully and completely accepting a situation as it is in your mind, your heart, and in your body. It’s about learning to accept things in a way that leads to less struggle and more peace of mind. It’s not about resignation or giving up, it’s about working with your personal reaction to the situation that you cannot currently change.
What are you accepting?
I think it can be helpful to clarify the concept of acceptance. I’ll use a challenging work situation as an example. I work with a lot of people who aren’t happy with their jobs and who can’t leave their jobs at the moment. It could be because of finances or the job market or a variety of other reasons, but the fact is that they are miserable and cannot change their job situation at this time.
Acceptance isn’t about giving up on your job search, or resigning yourself to your situation never changing. You can still continue your job search, network, build employable skills, and whatever other actions might actually lead to the change that you want.
Radical acceptance is about how to deal with the life that you are living right now, in this moment. It’s going to be another sucky day at work. How do you engage with it in a way that feels like less struggle?
The word “radical” is important. Radical acceptance means all the way acceptance of things exactly as they are. It is consciously accepting your situation and working to struggle less with it. This struggle could take different forms: it could be distressing thoughts that you keep going over in your head, feelings of bitterness or cynicism, or a physical experience such as tension you hold in your body, your posture, or your facial expressions.
Why accepting reality matters
I think an important thing that radical acceptance teaches is that to reject reality does not actually change it. Actual change happens once we accept things as they are and can then start to figure out what is possible. As you build some acceptance around the pain you are in you can get some clarity about what you could do about the situation, rather than just stay in struggle mode.
Pain vs. suffering
To understand radical acceptance, it can be really helpful to consider the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the stuff that life throws at us. People die, we get sick, jobs change, etc. Lots and lots of things happen that are out of our control, that hurt immensely, and yet we have to deal with them. Struggling with this pain is the very human response to this. We resist, we deny, we use food, substances and anything else to get away from the pain. And yet, all this struggle to avoid pain leads to more suffering. Suffering is what happens when we struggle with what is painful.
If you consider this framework of pain vs. suffering, then radical acceptance is about accepting the painful stuff that shows up in life, while reducing the struggle and suffering that often show up in response as well.
What radical acceptance isn’t
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean that you give up wanting to change something in your life. It isn’t resignation. If someone is the cause of the pain that you have to radically accept, it doesn’t mean that you have to learn to love them or have compassionate toward them. Acceptance also doesn’t mean you agree with or endorse the situation you are in.
How do you do it?
Radical acceptance is not usually as simple as just accepting something painful. Usually it is a conscious, mindful effort. DBT offers several skills that can help with creating more acceptance.
Turning the mind
Turning the mind is about moving from an automatic reaction to something that is a conscious and mindful choice. In a single moment you may find yourself experiencing the pain of a situation and moving into struggle and suffering. Turning the mind is realizing that in every single moment you have a choice. You can choose to resist or you can choose to accept. It’s a simple mindfulness practice but also very powerful.
* Start by noticing that you are struggling, that you are resisting what is. Often we have a dialog going on in our minds: Why me? Why now? Why do I have to deal with this? This will never get better. This is the worst thing ever., * Stop and realize that you have a choice even with something you can’t control. Make a commitment toward acceptance of reality as it is in the present moment., * Keep choosing to accept, over and over. Consider what might help you with acceptance in the moment. A deep breath, shifting your posture, taking a walk., * Consider how you can catch yourself struggling in the future. What will help you move back to a conscious choice of acceptance?
Create willingness
Turning the mind is about making a conscious choice but that doesn’t always make the moment feel any less painful. Creating some willingness in the moment can often be helpful. Creating willingness can include a lot of different practices but all work toward staying in the present moment and reducing stuggle.
* Start by noticing that in this moment, rather than being willing, you might be willful (i.e. resisting reality), * Turn your mind. Make a choice to accept., * Take steps to soften into the current situation. This could includetaking a deep breathshifting your posture in this moment to something that feels more open and powerfultrying the half-smile, which is exactly what it sounds like. A half-smile can help you shift to a more open and accepting positionFocus on the feeling you are experiencing and use your breath to move through the feeling.Try shifting your perpective to approach the situation differently.
A simple template for a challenging situation
Radical acceptance isn’t magic. It is a mindful practice of consciously choosing to accept what is and then practicing that acceptance. When you are faced with a situation that is painful and that you feel stuck with, try some steps to move toward accepting the pain and reducing your struggle.
Then what? Once you’ve moved away from struggle, this is often an opportunity to consider what would be effective for you. What might actually help this situation in this moment? How can you move your life forward and toward what matters to you?
中文翻译
彻底接纳：如何面对你无法改变的事情。— 旧金山焦虑与创伤治疗 | Greg Bodin
新年快乐！我希望新的一年有个好开端，如果你制定了新年决心，它们进展顺利。决心总是关于改变——我决心改变生活中的某些事情，比如多做某事、少做某事、开始做某事等。有很多关于如何让改变在生活中发生的方法，你可以在这里、这里和这里阅读更多。
然而，最终我们都会面对无法改变的事情。我们经历关系、生活状况、工作状况等，由于各种原因，我们必须继续面对，即使它们可能令人不快、痛苦或疲惫。可能是：* 一个无法忍受但无法离开的工作状况，* 一个令人沮丧和疲惫但必须参与的关系，* 一个不会改善或解决的健庺问题。
我想提供希望，即使生活中面临看似无法忍受的挑战，你仍然可以做些什么。
彻底接纳
我在作为治疗师的培训中学到的最有用的概念之一是彻底接纳。彻底接纳源自一种称为辩证行为疗法（DBT）的治疗模式。DBT 是一个有用的框架，用于建立满意关系、变得更加正念并以更有效的方式处理强烈情绪。
这是彻底接纳的简单定义：彻底接纳是在你的思想、心灵和身体中完全和彻底地接受一个情况。它是关于学习以一种导致更少挣扎和更多内心平静的方式接受事物。它不是关于放弃或屈服，而是关于处理你对当前无法改变的情况的个人反应。
你在接受什么？
我认为澄清接受的概念可能有所帮助。我将以挑战性的工作状况为例。我与许多对工作不满意且目前无法离开工作的人合作。可能是因为财务、就业市场或其他各种原因，但事实是他们很痛苦，目前无法改变工作状况。
接受不是放弃找工作，或屈服于你的情况永远不会改变。你仍然可以继续找工作、建立人脉、培养就业技能，以及任何其他可能真正导致你想要改变的行动。
彻底接纳是关于如何处理你此刻正在过的生活。这将是又一个糟糕的工作日。你如何以一种感觉更少挣扎的方式参与其中？
“彻底”这个词很重要。彻底接纳意味着完全接受事物本来的样子。它是意识地接受你的情况，并努力减少与之的挣扎。这种挣扎可能采取不同的形式：可能是你脑海中不断重复的痛苦想法、苦涩或愤世嫉俗的感觉，或身体体验，如你身体中保持的紧张、姿势或面部表情。
为什么接受现实很重要
我认为彻底接纳教给我们的一个重要事情是，拒绝现实实际上并不会改变它。真正的改变发生在我们接受事物本来的样子，然后开始弄清楚什么是可能的。当你围绕你所处的痛苦建立一些接受时，你可以更清楚地了解你可以对情况做些什么，而不是仅仅停留在挣扎模式中。
痛苦 vs. 苦难
要理解彻底接纳，考虑痛苦和苦难之间的区别可能非常有帮助。痛苦是生活抛给我们的东西。人们死亡、我们生病、工作变化等。许多许多事情发生，超出我们的控制，伤害极大，但我们不得不处理它们。与这种痛苦作斗争是人类的自然反应。我们抵抗、否认、使用食物、物质和其他任何东西来逃避痛苦。然而，所有这些避免痛苦的挣扎导致更多的苦难。苦难是我们与痛苦事物作斗争时发生的事情。
如果你考虑这个痛苦 vs. 苦难的框架，那么彻底接纳就是接受生活中出现的痛苦事物，同时减少通常随之而来的挣扎和苦难。
彻底接纳不是什么
彻底接纳并不意味着你放弃想要改变生活中的某些事情。它不是屈服。如果某人是导致你必须彻底接受的痛苦的原因，这并不意味着你必须学会爱他们或对他们有同情心。接受也不意味着你同意或认可你所处的情况。
你如何做到？
彻底接纳通常不像仅仅接受痛苦事物那么简单。通常它是一种有意识的、正念的努力。DBT 提供了几种技能，可以帮助创造更多的接受。
转变心态
转变心态是关于从自动反应转变为有意识和正念的选择。在某一刻，你可能会发现自己经历情况的痛苦并进入挣扎和苦难。转变心态是意识到在每一刻你都有选择。你可以选择抵抗，也可以选择接受。这是一个简单的正念练习，但也非常强大。
* 首先注意到你在挣扎，你在抵抗现状。通常我们脑海中有一个对话：为什么是我？为什么现在？为什么我必须处理这个？这永远不会好转。这是有史以来最糟糕的事情。* 停下来意识到，即使面对无法控制的事情，你也有选择。承诺接受现实，就像它在当下一样。* 不断选择接受，一遍又一遍。考虑什么可能帮助你在当下接受。深呼吸、改变姿势、散步。* 考虑如何在未来捕捉自己挣扎。什么会帮助你回到有意识的接受选择？
创造意愿
转变心态是关于做出有意识的选择，但这并不总是让那一刻感觉不那么痛苦。在当下创造一些意愿通常会有帮助。创造意愿可以包括许多不同的练习，但都致力于停留在当下并减少挣扎。
* 首先注意到在这一刻，你可能不是愿意，而是固执（即抵抗现实）。* 转变你的心态。做出接受的选择。* 采取措施软化进入当前情况。这可能包括深呼吸、改变姿势到感觉更开放和强大的位置、尝试半微笑，这正是它听起来的样子。半微笑可以帮助你转变到更开放和接受的位置。专注于你正在经历的感觉，并用呼吸来度过这种感觉。尝试改变你的视角，以不同的方式处理情况。
挑战情况的简单模板
彻底接纳不是魔法。它是一种有意识的练习，选择接受现状，然后练习这种接受。当你面对一个痛苦且感觉被困住的情况时，尝试一些步骤来接受痛苦并减少你的挣扎。
然后呢？一旦你远离了挣扎，这通常是一个机会来考虑什么对你有效。什么可能真正帮助这一刻的情况？你如何推动生活向前，朝着对你重要的事情前进？
文章概要
本文探讨了彻底接纳的概念，源自辩证行为疗法（DBT），旨在帮助人们面对无法改变的生活挑战，如工作困境、关系问题或健康问题。文章区分了痛苦和苦难，强调接受现实可以减少挣扎，带来内心平静。通过转变心态和创造意愿等技巧，读者可以学习如何在中年挑战中实践接纳，从而更有效地处理困难情况，并找到前进的方向。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：这篇文章就像是在教我们一个超级有用的魔法咒语，叫做“彻底接纳”。想象一下，有时候生活中会发生一些我们不喜欢但又没办法改变的事情，比如作业太难、朋友吵架或者生病了。这篇文章告诉我们，与其一直生气或难过，不如试着深呼吸，对自己说：“好吧，现在就是这样了。” 这样，我们心里就不会那么难受，反而能更冷静地想想接下来该怎么做。它就像是一个小工具，帮助我们变得更坚强和快乐。
佛学的各个宗派视角评价，突出《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角：从佛学视角看，彻底接纳与大乘佛教的“随缘”和“无我”理念相通，强调接受现实以减少执着和烦恼。在显宗中，这类似于禅宗的“当下即是”，教导我们安住于当下，不抗拒因缘。从《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角，准提法作为显密圆融的法门，提倡通过咒语和观想来净化心识，接纳一切境遇为修行道用。彻底接纳可视为准提法“心净则国土净”的实践，帮助我们在中年挑战中转化痛苦为菩提心，彰显准提法简便易行、即身成佛的优点。
在修行实践上可以应用的和可以解决人们的十个问题：在修行实践上，彻底接纳可以应用于：1. 减少焦虑和压力，通过接受现状来平静内心；2. 提升正念，帮助专注于当下时刻；3. 增强慈悲心，对自己和他人的困境更包容；4. 促进情绪调节，避免被负面情绪淹没；5. 改善人际关系，减少冲突和抗拒；6. 支持健康应对，避免逃避或沉溺；7. 培养智慧，看清事物的本质；8. 加速灵性成长，将挑战视为修行机会；9. 增强韧性，更好地适应变化；10. 实现内心自由，从执着中解脱。这可以解决人们的十个问题，如工作压力、家庭矛盾、健康担忧、情绪波动、自我怀疑、社交困难、生活失衡、恐惧未来、孤独感和缺乏目标，通过准提法的视角，这些实践能引导人们走向觉悟和幸福。