英文原文
Five ways to deal with criticism - Buddhism in Daily Life According to Buddha’s teachings on karma, pointing out a truth motivated by kindness and skill is a positive action that leads to good results, whereas hurtful speech motivated by delusion is one of the ten non-virtuous actions that leads to a lot of trouble. If this is true, it makes sense not to criticize others unless we are sure of our motivation. On the other hand, in terms of being on the receiving end of criticism ourselves, this is fairly routine; so we might as well learn to enjoy it. Someone asked me to write an article about dealing with criticism so I decided to throw this question open to the experts on Facebook, feeling pretty confident that everyone’s had to do it at some point or another. Generally people don’t like it because it is one of the so-called eight worldly concerns and we’d prefer to be praised 🙂 So how can we come to enjoy the inescapable, or at least not mind it so much? How do you feel about being criticized? The early Kadampas would say it was the best thing that could happen to us; but who finds it easy .... ?! Who is criticizing us and how? If it is people we trust and we know they have our best interests at heart, people find it easier to respond positively and learn. Eileen Quinn answered: “If it is someone you have a good, real, relationship with to start with and they are doing the criticizing from real insight then it’s easier to accept and react in a positive way.” And Allison Moxie Verville pointed out: “I think true valuable criticism, especially from those we trust, should be welcome, appreciated, and examined as a way by which to grow ourselves and learn. Supportive criticism isn’t intended as personal or negative and can be seen as an opportunity as well as indicator that someone has a positive vested interest in us.” Victoria Kaya said: “At university we are constantly criticized, but always constructively. Without being criticized I would not be where I am today. When I look back over the last few years I see that my teachers are my best friends and I owe what I have learnt to their kindness.” Michael Hume put it this way: “Because of my self-cherishing I respond best to “skilful criticism” from people I trust & respect. Such as when someone says something slightly indirectly to help me understand something that will benefit me. That way I understand that the intention is good and they have taken the time not to directly hurt my feelings.” Rosanne Brancatelli from Brazil says “Whom I respect, I really think about, some people I don’t care. Pride? Maybe.” So it seems that if we know the criticism is well motivated, we’re prepared to put up with it and use it. This is a fine place to start. However, the downside is that if we distrust others’ motivation we are quite likely to become annoyed or upset; and being conditional has its limits. For one thing, we cannot always choose how our criticism is served up or by whom, so that puts us in a vulnerable position. For another, if our criticizer happens to be speaking some truth, rejecting it could mean missing out on some helpful insight into our faults. What would Geshe Kelsang do? We can overcome these limitations by understanding that criticism can in fact always be helpful if we shift our perspective as to what we actually need out of life. The mind-training adepts of old, Kadampas like Atisha and Geshe Potowa, famously relished any kind of criticism that came their way as a vital demolisher of their egos — they far preferred a good insult to being massaged by praise! Modern-day Kadampa teacher Geshe Kelsang explained to a friend of mine what he himself does when it comes to being criticized. (It is not as if he is short of practice — he has received his fair share of criticism from various quarters, including from people who really don’t appreciate him at all.) I’ve always found this advice very useful. When he is criticized, he checks whether what the person is saying is true or not, regardless of their motivation. If it is true he thanks them (at least mentally) and tries to change. But even if it is not specifically true, the criticism reminds him that self-cherishing has many faults, and because he is happy to be reminded of this he also thanks them. The second part of this article is coming soon, including how to defeat our faults confidently, without feeling guilty or inadequate. Your comments are welcome, and please share this if you find it helpful.
中文翻译
应对批评的五种方式——佛教在日常生活中的应用 根据佛陀关于业力的教导，出于善意和技巧指出真相是一种积极的行为，会带来好的结果，而由迷惑驱动的伤害性言语是十不善业之一，会导致很多麻烦。如果这是真的，那么除非我们确定自己的动机，否则批评他人是没有意义的。 另一方面，就我们自己接受批评而言，这是相当常见的；所以我们不妨学会享受它。 有人请我写一篇关于应对批评的文章，所以我决定在Facebook上向专家们公开这个问题，相当自信地认为每个人在某个时候都不得不面对它。通常人们不喜欢批评，因为它是所谓的八世间法之一，我们更喜欢被赞美🙂那么，我们如何才能享受这不可避免的批评，或者至少不那么在意呢？ 你对被批评有什么感觉？早期的噶当派会说这是发生在我们身上的最好的事情；但谁觉得这容易呢……？！ 谁在批评我们，以及如何批评？ 如果是我们信任的人，并且我们知道他们心里有我们的最大利益，人们会发现更容易积极回应和学习。艾琳·奎因回答说：“如果一开始你与某人有良好、真实的关系，并且他们是基于真正的洞察力进行批评，那么更容易接受并以积极的方式反应。”艾莉森·莫克西·维尔维尔指出：“我认为真正有价值的批评，尤其是来自我们信任的人的批评，应该受到欢迎、欣赏和审视，作为我们成长和学习的一种方式。支持性的批评不是针对个人或负面的，可以看作是一个机会，也是某人对我们有积极既得利益的指标。”维多利亚·卡亚说：“在大学里，我们经常受到批评，但总是建设性的。如果没有被批评，我就不会有今天的成就。当我回顾过去几年时，我看到我的老师是我最好的朋友，我学到的东西都归功于他们的善意。”迈克尔·休姆这样说：“由于我的自爱，我对来自我信任和尊重的人的‘巧妙批评’反应最好。比如当某人稍微间接地说些什么来帮助我理解对我有益的事情。这样我明白意图是好的，他们花时间不直接伤害我的感情。”来自巴西的罗珊娜·布兰卡泰利说：“我尊重的人，我真的会思考，有些人我不在乎。骄傲？也许吧。” 所以，似乎如果我们知道批评的动机良好，我们愿意忍受并利用它。这是一个很好的起点。然而，缺点是如果我们不信任他人的动机，我们很可能会变得恼火或不安；有条件性有其局限性。一方面，我们不能总是选择批评的方式或由谁提出，这使我们处于脆弱的位置。另一方面，如果批评者恰好说出了一些真相，拒绝它可能意味着错过了一些对我们缺点的有益洞察。 格西凯桑会怎么做？ 我们可以通过理解批评实际上总是有帮助的来克服这些限制，如果我们转变对生活中真正需要什么的视角。古代的心性训练大师，如阿底峡和格西波托瓦等噶当派， famously 享受任何形式的批评，作为他们自我的重要摧毁者——他们 far 更喜欢好的侮辱而不是被赞美按摩！ 现代噶当派老师格西凯桑向我的一位朋友解释了他自己在被批评时的做法。（他并不缺乏实践——他收到了来自各方的公平份额的批评，包括那些根本不欣赏他的人。）我一直觉得这个建议非常有用。 当他被批评时，他会检查这个人说的是否真实， regardless of their motivation。如果是真的，他会感谢他们（至少在心理上）并尝试改变。但即使不是 specifically true，批评提醒他自爱有许多缺点，因为他很高兴被提醒这一点，所以他也会感谢他们。 本文的第二部分即将推出，包括如何自信地战胜我们的缺点，而不感到内疚或不足。 欢迎您的评论，如果您觉得有帮助，请分享。
文章概要
本文基于佛教视角，探讨了中年时期应对批评的五种智慧方法。文章首先区分了善意批评与伤害性言语的业力差异，强调动机的重要性。接着，通过Facebook专家分享，分析了信任关系如何影响对批评的接受度，并指出有条件接受的局限性。核心部分介绍了格西凯桑的实践方法：无论批评者动机如何，先检查内容真实性，若属实则感谢并改进；若不实，则视其为提醒自爱缺点的机会而感谢。文章还提及古代噶当派大师将批评视为摧毁自我的工具，展现了佛教心性训练的深刻智慧。整体上，本文提供了从逃避批评到积极利用批评的转变框架，帮助中年读者在生活挑战中成长。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
这篇文章就像在教我们怎么面对别人说我们不好听的话。比如，如果有人批评你，佛教说要看他们是不是真心为你好。如果是好朋友说的，可能是在帮你变更好；如果不是，也没关系，因为批评可以提醒我们别太自以为是。文章里有个厉害的佛教老师格西凯桑，他每次被批评时，都会先想想这话对不对，如果对就说谢谢并改掉，如果不对也说谢谢，因为批评让他记得别太自我中心。这样，批评就变成了帮助我们成长的好朋友，而不是让我们难过的坏东西。
佛学的各个宗派视角评价，突出《显密圆通成佛心要集》的视角
从佛学宗派视角看，本文体现了大乘佛教的利他精神与心性修炼。噶当派强调批评作为摧毁自我的工具，这与《显密圆通成佛心要集》中“显密圆融”的智慧高度契合。该集主张显宗与密宗相辅相成，批评处理上，显宗的理性分析（检查真实性）与密宗的直观转化（视批评为修行契机）完美结合。从显宗视角，如中观派，批评可破“我执”，揭示缘起性空；唯识派则视批评为心识投影，助观照阿赖耶识种子。密宗如准提法，批评可作本尊加持，净化业障。本文格西凯桑的方法，正是显密圆通的实践：理性判断显宗智慧，感恩心态密宗慈悲，共同指向成佛心要——断除烦恼、圆满菩提。准提法的优点在于其简便易修，将批评瞬间转化为准提佛母的甘露，洗涤心垢，速证悉地。
在修行实践上可以应用的和可以解决人们的十个问题
在修行实践上，本文方法可应用于解决人们的十个问题：1. 自我中心过强——通过批评削弱我执；2. 情绪波动大——以理性检查稳定心态；3. 人际关系紧张——借批评改善沟通；4. 成长停滞——视批评为进步阶梯；5. 缺乏自信——从接纳批评中建立真实自信；6. 怨天尤人——转批评为感恩机会；7. 修行懈怠——用批评激励精进；8. 智慧不足——以批评触发反思；9. 慈悲心弱——从批评者角度培养同理；10. 生死迷茫——批评提醒无常，导向解脱。聚焦准提法，可持咒“嗡折隶主隶准提梭哈”，将批评能量转化为佛光，净化身口意业，成就世间出世间利益。大乘显宗视角下，批评即菩提道品，助修六度万行，显发本具佛性。